Saturday, September 18, 2010

Just because I can hear you through the wall does not mean that I get to participate.

Ok. 3rd blog post today, I know. Being sick + chicken guilt + thinking about babies is a recipe for depression in this household and the best cure for depression that I know of is Penguin. Since Penguin is in a different time zone right now (actually, he's in Vegas for a week with his boys), I have to rely on the comic gold of our past correspondences. And believe you me, it really is gold. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Memoirs of an Undergraduate Lab Rat
Year 5.last.semester.ever.
February 11th, 2008

  • At 11:57pm, the Lab Rat blows out her candles and takes a hot water bottle with her to bed.
  • Prior to this, the Lab Rat had studied consistently for approximately 9 consecutive hours.
  • It should be noted that the Lab Rat did take a break to watch Oprah between 4 and 5 pm, but dutifully muted the television during the commercial breaks in order to keep studying.
  • The Lab Rat, sadly, did not eat dinner. Or snack. In fact, she completely forgot about that thing called food.
  • In the last 9 hours, the Lab Rat has read more slides than she can count and created over 32 pages of notes.
  • The Lab Rat shall arise at 5am tomorrow to continue studying the last 3 chapters (8-10) and review said notes before her midterm.
  • The Lab Rat is not looking forward to writing her midterm. However, since it is the LAST BIOCHEM MIDTERM EVER, the Lab Rat will attempt to appear enthusiastic.
  • The Lab Rat desires carrots.


Love,
Lab Rat


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Dear Lab Rat,

We at 
Tufty Ears Laboratories have read your recently submitted memoirs. Your dedication to your work is very notable. 9 consecutive hours of studying without pausing for food demonstrates a strong will and dedication, even in light of your puzzling, yet intruiging fascination with Oprah. A note-taking rate greater than 3.5 pages per hour is well above our requirements, especially accounting for the numerous slides you have read. The text of your memoirs indicates that you can count at least as high as 32, which is an acceptable number.

We would be interested in meeting with you to discuss the possibility of a position with 
Tufty Ears Laboratories. A block of time this upcoming weekend has been set aside for you. This will be an informal gathering, although you should be prepared to answer some questions, particularly the specific number of slides you can count up to. It was unclear whether your remark about desiring carrots was an initiation of salary negotiations, however rest assured there will be an ample supply of carrots this weekend.

Thank you for considering 
Tufty Ears Laboratories. We look forward to seeing you this weekend. Sincerely,

- Penguin
CEO and Chief Carrot




1 comment:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...