How to mount a staghorn fern...

[http://www.thisgardenisillegal.com/2006/05/how-to-mount-staghorn-fern.html]

It's been awhile and there are 3 fantastic stories that I need to tell you. So, here goes...

Story #1:

My long-awaited ER placement got off to a rocky start. It began with me missing the first day, entirely. I had it in my head that I started on the Wednesday... so 2 hours before I'm scheduled to go in, I double check my e-mail to make sure that I have all the details straight. 5 pm, check. Bring stethoscope, check. Bring clinical skills book, check. Have ID, check. Start on Tuesday...

... $&*@!!!!

Tuesday was yesterday.

I don't have a phone number for my doc, so I send him an e-mail. It was the most humiliating and pathetically apologetic e-mail I've ever written. He bought it, told me not to worry about it, and I showed up half an hour early for our next scheduled meeting.

Thus, I walk-in on my new "first day" and meet my preceptor who is just wrapping up a patient in the PEOF (Push Em Out Faster) section of the ER. There's no time for any kind of introduction other than a handshake until we take care of one more patient, so my doc scoops me up and we meet the patient together.

This guy was on the job when he got a small 1 cm long wooden splinter lodged in his arm. My doc explains that it's too risky to pull it out with tweezers since some debris might be left behind in the skin. So, he numbs the guy and then makes a shallow laceration over top the splinter with a scalpel.

Suddenly, my face feels flushed while I simultaneously break out in a cold sweat. My ears start ringing and my vision becomes tunnel-like. I realize that I'm about to faint. My mind flails around inside my skulls like a spooked sparrow in a cage -- C'mon Saroja! You can do this. You've seen worse. Tough it out. Keep breathing. F-ck, you're such a wimp. Seriously.-- It's no good. I realize that either I've got to get out of there or I'm going to fall flat on my face. I excuse myself, in a muffled voice, and duck under the curtain. Luckily, the bed beside us is empty. I sit down. My doc calls across the curtain for me to lie down and get my feet up. I ignore him and sit with my head as far down between my legs as I can get it. I wish I were an ostrich and the slick hospital tiles were sand that I could bury myself in and never come up.

The rest of the shift goes by uneventfully. We see lots of good stuff but my confidence was completely deflated and I think that I come across as a shy, overwhelmed greenhorn. At the end of the first shift, I'm pretty sure my doc doesn't think I'd last one minute in the ER as a clerk, let alone a resident or as a career. I'm determined to change his mind, though. I ask when he's working next and he says tomorrow. I surprise him by asking if I can come in, to make up for our first missed session. He agrees.

The next day, I show up... again, half an hour early. I've vowed never to be less than early for any meeting with this doc. As luck would have it, our first patient is a guy who cut his thumb open sagittally. It's going to need cleaning and stitches. My doc helps me to irrigate the wound and investigates to make sure that the joints and tendons are still in tact. They are. With a sly look, he hands me a suture kit and tells my patient to yell if I faint on him.

I pull up a stool, explain to the relaxed patient what I'm going to do, and put in 7 stitches. I am as happy as a clam. I am redeemed.

The rest of the shift goes by like the first - lots of interesting stuff to see and I look on, wide-eyed. I talk my doc into letting me do a history on a patient with GI symptoms and nail the diagnosis. I think that he's mildly impressed with me. Not impressed enough to make up for my poor first impression, but I'm slowly regaining ground.

At least I've paid my dues now. It seems that every med student has to faint at least once and now that it's over with, I won't have to worry about it anymore. I hope.

Story #2

Scarlet, Lao Tzu, their spouses, and I all went out to dinner last night. We went to a vietnamese restaurant that Scarlet and I have been to before and I was looking forward to the tasty meal. Unfortunately, the restaurant tried to kill me twice and nearly succeeded.

For dinner, I ordered a side of spring rolls, a main course of noodles and shredded pork, and a carrot milkshake. I had a brief chat with the waiter and told him that my meal must be prepared with "no fish and no nuts". He informed me that the spring roles had shrimp and offered to change the order to a veggie spring roll. I agreed.

A few moments later, the waitress came and put 2 spring rolls in front of me. It was already 8pm and I was starving, so I wolfed them down without hesitation. Moments later, our main courses arrived. There was some confusion over who got what and when the waiter put down th spring rolls that Lao Tzu had ordered, he pointed emphatically at them and said, "vegetarian". I gulped, if those were the veggie spring rolls, had I just eaten the shrimp ones?

When my bowl arrived, it was garnished with crushed peanuts. My stomach sank a little more. I sent the bowl back and glanced at my watch - if I had eaten the shrimp, how long did I have? Awhile. The shrimp wouldn't kill me but it wouldn't be a pleasant night, either.

My meal was finally returned - without peanuts and without shredded pork. It was one big bucket of plane-jane noodles. I didn't care. I was resigned to my fate and didn't want to make any more of a scene. I ate them quietly.

After a brief sojourn to Scarlet's after dinner to watch some Clone High, I went home to make dinner for the bunnies before retiring for a much needed sleep. Midway through shredding greens for their meal, I doubled over as my stomach clenched. It was like flicking a lightswitch, my GI had finally figured out what I'd done to it. I can never sneak anything past those pesky organs. I gulped down a gravol and hoped for the best.

I fed the rabbits and crawled into bed... tried to lie as still as possible as my stomach clenched tighter and tighter. I knew it was a losing battle. I spent the next few hours in the bathroom vomiting. It was black and viscous. I threw up in the toilet, in the sink, and - worst of all - out of my nose. I brushed my teeth at least 6 times and then threw out the toothbrush. I bleached down the whole bathroom at 4 am and then fell into bed and finally slept.

Today, I was supposed to run 25km but I woke up exhausted and still queasy. It was also pouring rain. I felt miserable and stayed in bed as long as I could by reading the book for the MedKid Book Club (MKBC).

I'm not really bitter about the whole evening. I really enjoyed the time I spent with my friends, chatting over dinner, and my first introduction to Clone High. The only thing I regret is actually paying $20 to be poisoned. Needless to say, I won't be going back to that restaurant for awhile. 

Story #3

Today had the potential to be an absolute waste. I was in a foul mood when I woke up - tired, still sick, worried about the work I needed to do for school, and depressed over the fact that I didn't feel up for running, yet again.

Fortunately, though, the day was saved by Scarlet and her husband (I will have a name for you soon -  it's on the tip of my tongue but it just hasn't presented itself yet. Thanks for being so patient, if you're reading this!!).

We drove to a greenhouse that lay on the boundary of 3 towns and bought a lot of plants. The greenhouse advertised that it sold Lithops, for which I was ridiculously excited. Unfortunately, they were out of stock. But, I did get a goldfish plant, a spider plant, some purple heart alpine poppies, a gorgeous hanging plant that I haven't identified yet, and - best of all - a staghorn fern!!!

Afterwards, we had pizza and wings (not exactly what my stomach wanted after such a tumultuous night but still solid food) and we giggled over hybrid fist bumps/high fives that looked like glomerulus' and Bowman's capsules. Then, we went back to Scarlet's and re-potted our plants/sowed seeds before curling up on the couch to watch more Clone High while a thunder and lightening storm rolled through.

And that is how my day was saved. As an added bonus, the Real Deal called just to see how I was doing. While I haven't called him back yet, it felt good to be looked after by such kindly friends. Tomorrow promises to be sunny and I'm looking forward to it.