That's a Wrap! (no, not the burrito kind... the I'm-$*%&!-done-med-school-kind)

It seemed fitting that on my last day of medical school I was up before 6 am. We had to be in The Hammer for 8am, so I got up a bit early to make a good breakfast (read: go to Starbucks) before Constellation kindly bundled me into his car and transported my solemn, silent form to the university to write the LMCC.

Now, for those of you who don't know what the LMCC is... well, it's like the Ordeal of Knighthood but for doctors. There are no fancy horses to ride about or lovely maidens swooning over you... the similarities are really just limited to the authority to potentially kill somebody and wear a shiny stethoscope (rather than plate armor).

Indeed, in either situation, you spend the night before praying while staring sleeplessly at the ceiling and sharpening your mind into a focus that you hope will be enough to get you through the next day. Then, it's a cold shower to wake up, a long journey to the Chamber of the Ordeal...

I was early for the exam. I always am (again, many thanks to Constellation who went in to work 1.5hr early just to soothe my neurosis). The first part was 196 multiple choice questions in 3 hours. I had to hoof it through to finish on time. There was no opportunity to mull something over, check the math, or think back through an algorithm. It was all about reflexes. You knew it or you didn't. Either way, you had moments to click on the right answer and then move on. If you were successful and answered things correctly, the questions got harder. If you weren't, things got easier. They call this "computative adaptive testing"- I like it call it "f***ing with our minds". There was no way of knowing if you'd over-prepared and just knew your stuff or if you were screwing up royally and should start thinking about ways to hide from your creditors when they finally discovered that you were a joke of a medical student and kicked you out of the profession.

A brief interlude of 45 minutes for lunch reminded us that a bigger world existed outside the glow of the computer screen and a mouse sticky with sweat. The warm sun and soft breeze bolstered our nerves for the second onslaught with promises of summer and vacation. With that sweet reward in mind, we walked back into the cave to slay the dragon.

Part Two was what they called "CDM" (clinical decision making). It consisted of obscenely vague case scenarios for which you had to develop management plans. The format was all short answer or "choose 1-2 options from this list of 30-40 items". After the first few questions, I quickly developed a new acronym for this section: "Clueless? Don't Murder." The whole goal of this exam was to make sure that whatever you did (a) addressed the most significant issue at hand (ie. don't let the patient lose life or limb) while (b) not undertaking any action that might iatrogenically hurt or kill said patient.

Finally, it was over. After 8 hours of mind-breaking work, we collectively wobbled outside into the blinding sunlight as newly minted doctors. The thought that no rounds or case presentations or bedside pimping would take place the next day, or week, or month was unfathomable. I'm a free woman until July 1st, when the real grueling test begins with residency. But that just hasn't sunk in yet. I still have the urge to study. It feels wrong to put the books away.

Three years ago - hell, three days ago, I couldn't have imagined that moment. The finality: I took on medical school and I survived. It had always been a fantasy that one day I'd step up to the plate and take a crack at hitting the ball. It was a shock that I got bunted into medical school and now it's an even bigger shock that my bunt was actually enough to hit the ball out of the park and run the bases.

I got everything I dared to dream about. It is only now that I wonder at my audacity to dream so big. The problem with success is that it's only encouraging... it just pushes you to dream bigger, push harder, dig deeper, and - above all - love with no parachute.

And I think we all know just how much I love jumping out of planes after this past summer...!!!

Weekly Update: the Last Hurrah and the End of Med School

• Current Scholastic Pursuits
• Last Thurs was our last lecture and this coming Wed I write the licensing exam... it's absolutely surreal. Three years ago, I could never have imagined this day but here it is on the horizon and I'm in my final preparations for meeting it head on.
• I will be the last of my friends to write the exam - most wrote this past Fri and Scarlet writes tomorrow. I wanted the extra time to study but really, I just needed the extra time to adjust.
• As much as I'm looking forward to a break, the chasm of 6 weeks between me and residency yawns like an idle lion. Unscheduled days, no set plans, no schedule. It's going to be hard to handle. I actually miss clerkship already. I'm not very good at not doing much.
• That said, though, Penguin has promised to keep me busy with crafty projects and going to the gym to get in the best possible shape for Algonquin. I've also promised myself that I'm going to get a good start on mastering the harmonica by taking some lessons while I'm in the North land with him. I'm sure I'll find a way to fill the time... my biggest concern is that I fill it well. I'm not going to get a vacation like this again for the next 5 years minimum.

• Recipe I've Been Drooling Over
• Right, so I haven't cooked anything in more than 2 weeks. Reheated soup, yes. Grilled cheese, yes (that doesn't count as cooking in my books). But, there's plenty to look forward to once the exam is done...

• Favourite Thing on Etsy this Week
• This bookmobile may provide inspiration for a crafty project in my future... :)
• I'm really looking forward to getting my hands all gluey and paint-flecked again.

• What I'm Reading Right Now
• In a totally random act of lost self control, I devoured 4 (FOUR!) non-medical related books in the last week. I don't know what came over me but the only explanation I can offer is that I needed something to occupy my thoughts before bed other than calculating anion gaps and urine chloride levels.
• The books were old favourites: the Lioness Quartet by Tamora Pierce. If you didn't already know that I'm a sucker for good kid-lit, then I guess the cat's out of the bag.

• TED Talk I Watched This Week
• Sadly, no TED talks... just podmedics casts. Soon, though... soon.

• Song of the Week
• On Friday night, I got a call from Scarlet around 8pm. 
• Scarlet: "We're going for ice cream, we'll pick you up on the way."
• Saroja: "Thanks, but I think I'm ok. Also, haven't eaten dinner yet."
• Scarlet: "You're coming." Her tone brooked no arguments.
• True to her word, Scarlet and Constellation picked me up 5 min later and we had our first Avondale ice cream of the year. It was a good break and I was once again hugely grateful for the balance and calm that Scarlet exerts on my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do when we live in difference provinces... 
• Anyway, on the way home, Scarlet- knowing that Stars are one of my favourite bands- asked if I'd seen their new music video.
• Scarlet: "It's crazy!"
• Saroja: "Crazy awesome or just plain crazy?"
• Scarlet: "Plain crazy. There's a naked girl, she grows a tail..."
• Saroja: "I can't wait to post this on the blog!!"
• So here you go, folks... the uncensored, plain crazy Stars video. I think it goes without saying that if you're opposed to nudity or people growing tails, you probably should skip it. That said, I think they did it well. It reminds me of all those art history lectures I took during undergrad.

Stars - Changes (Uncensored) from Stars on Vimeo.

• Thing I'm Most Grateful for This Week
• I'm grateful for my supportive family and friends for keeping me sane and balanced... and putting up with all my stressed out, late night, gnashing of teeth, can't eat/can't sleep rants while I prep for this silly test.

• Thing I'm Most Looking Forward to This Week
• Uhh, finishing medical school!!!!!

• Bunny Photo of the Week
• Jazz bunny had a rough week. On Wed, I took her into the vet suspecting some dental problems. I was right. She had severe malocclusion and went in for surgery the next morning to have all her teeth trimmed back. Poor Jazz and poorer ($) me! Now, she's on eye drops three times a day and nightly oral antibiotics. Fortunately, she's looking a lot better (which unfortunately means that she's none too cooperative with her medication regime). But, it's good to see her wolfing down her greens again.
• Anyway, the vet was really great. They took a picture of her post-op and texted it to me on my phone so that I wouldn't worry about her while I was stuck at school in lecture. Here she is looking as cute as ever despite being totally scared out of her wits.

Amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

Some musings on the federal election... (you can take them or leave them but we're all entitled to our own, educated opinions)


Congratulations Jack Layton and the NDP - you are the official opposition at last! And I think that you will serve that position well over the next 4 years. I'm looking forward to watching you hold Harper accountable and advocate for the values of the majority of Canadians who voted against the Conservatives. If you manage to do this and keep Quebec onside, who knows what could happen 4 years from now! On a more immanent note, I look forward to seeing you advance the need for a positive and respectful tone in parliament.

Congratulations for Elizabeth May for being a brilliant lady, a wonderful orator, and carrying the hope for change and accountability into the House of Commons with your sheer determination and vivacity.

It was hugely moving to watch Gilles Duceppe announce his defeat and retirement from the BQ. I've never held separatist values but I've greatly respected him as a politician and a gentleman and I will miss seeing him in the House and at future political debates.

Hopefully, the Liberals have learned an important lesson that running a platform best described as "we're the only alternatives to the Conservatives" is egotistical and unrealistic. Iggy performed well in the debates but failed to deliver a platform that addressed the values and needs of the majority of the people. Moreover, hopefully he learned that smear campaigns are loathsome, derogatory acts that do not inspire confidence in your capability in the House of Commons or as a leader (this goes for the Conservatives, too, but more on that later). While I'm a staunch NDP supporter, I would love to see the Liberals rally by reforming their leadership and platform so that they can once again represent the psyche of the Canadian people and live up to their significant cultural heritage.

I'm surprised and disappointed to acknowledge that Harper succeeded in gaining a majority. I have, however, felt that despite the votes, this campaign has done much to expose some of the inconsistencies and hypocrisy that the Conservatives have undertaken while in office for the last 2 terms. Hopefully, the publicity of these acts and the significant swing in the popular vote to the more left political spectrum will cause them to rethink some of their scheming and better champion the values of the Canadian people. It's a tenuous hope but I'm an optimistic person.

Lastly, I am absolutely thrilled that many Canadians gave up their apathetic ways and showed up to vote in this election. It will be important to remember that this voice is one that is not only exercised once every 4 years but on a daily basis: both by remaining engaged as citizens in the actions of parliament as well as through an open dialogue with the MPs that we've elected so that our opinions and values may be reflected as political actions and global situations evolve in the future.

O Canada, indeed!

Floods, Blizzards, and May - Oh My!

I'm currently in Winnipeg - flying home this evening. I came out for a couple of days with Penguin to find a place to live for residency. We were very successful and I have a great little apartment lined up, so I'm very pleased with that. Overall, the weather was really amazing as well: low 20s, bright sun, absolutely gorgeous. Until yesterday, when it rained (adding to the already high water levels of the rivers and serious flooding of the province) followed by a whiteout blizzard today that's left a few centimeters of snow on the ground.

This is my kind of weather!!

Anyway, the weekly blog update is once again endangered because of the travel and study schedule but hopefully I'll be able to update you folks in the next couple of days. In the meantime, I hope you're ready to go out and vote tomorrow for the federal election! If you don't have a candidate in mind or are one of those people who endorse strategic voting, check out your riding and its electoral history here at Project Democracy.

Have a great week and I'll be in touch soon!